Friday, March 9, 2012

Dysfunctional Relationships

A friend of mine asked this question the other night on facebook...
"Why do people go back to dysfunctional relationships?"

Even though this wasn't a question that was asked to me specifically, I've been thinking about it lately and decided to take it to the blog. In my opinion and from my own personal experience with all of my dysfunctional relationships, most people go back to those relationships for a couple of reason...1-they feel they can't do any better, 2- it's the only thing they know, 3- everyone wants to be loved and 4- no one wants to be lonely.

Even though a relationship is dysfunctional does not mean there is no love in that relationship. Most of time the couples in the relationships break up and then get back together again because they are lonely and want that feeling of companionship and do not know what a non-dysfunctional relationship feels like. They feel like since they have been in this type of relationship before it's actually normal, or maybe they haven't been in the relationship but someone close to them has and that is the only example that they have. It doesn't matter whether or not a dysfunctional relationship has love in it or not its still dysfunctional and unhealthy.
A dysfunctional relationship isn't always about someone being hit or forced to have sex against their will...its also about the emotional roller coaster the person goes through (most are that). That is probably one of the worst forms of dysfunction there is, when the relationship is emotionally abusive. Abusive relationships exist in all segments of society has nothing to do with social class.  One of the biggest problems is that people do not realize they are being abused and think that their partner is just being a jerk or an asshole...when really that behavior can be classified as abusive. I will use myself as an example:
I'm a black female who doesn't see race so when I was approached by a white male interested in dating me I figured I'd give him a chance. I had no clue that he was going to take me on one hell of an emotional roller coaster that had me second guessing everything about my life. He went from being sweet and supportive of everything I did and only make small comments about race like; "your the first black family I've seen on this side of town I thought most lived on the east end". First time I heard it it caught me off guard but I brushed it off. Then it got to the point where he didn't want me around my friends because he felt they would talk me out of dating him. He even picked a fight with me on my birthday because he didn't want to meet my friends and that was his way of controlling the situation. He talked to me any kind of way he wanted to. I was so far into it I wasn't sure how to get out and figured that karma had brought him into my life so I just had to deal with it. It wasn't until I ended up in the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack that I realized something wasn't right. No reason why my boyfriend wasn't by my side the entire time I was in the hospital especially when he had nothing else to do (unemployed...yes shoulda been my first hint but it wasn't I was lonely), as soon as my parents would get to the hospital he would leave. Straw breaking the camels back was the racial comments about my family being his pets and other comments I wouldn't dare mention because they are to rude to even say.  This relationship was emotionally draining for the 3 months that it lasted, only thing I got out of it was a smaller waistline!
In my case I didn't and would NEVER go back, however there are people who would because they have no concept of what a healthy relationship is or because they are so ready to be done with the dating world they settle for what they think is happiness. Honestly no one should settle for anything in the world. If it doesn't feel right then its not right. Your heart will tell you one thing but in cases like these its you mind that you have to trust because your heart can land you in situation that you can't get yourself out of. You think that person will change...and yes they will for a short amount of time. But if they showed you their true colors believe they will do it again.

Biggest piece of advice I have for this one is to stay strong and know your worth. No one is meant to be alone in the world, be patient and be still. Yes I understand all to well that it is easier said than done, but the old saying "good things come to those who wait" wasn't coined for no reason!

If you feel you are in a bad relationship seek health..I found a website that could help remember no one deserves to be hurt!

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